Furniture Lust and Wedding Woes
And then they have this table and chairs that perfectly match our TV armoire.
Like i said - i shouldn't even look at such things.
Not to mention I have shoe lust as well. Saw tons of shoes that I wanted to rush out and buy.
Hmmmm....
anyway - i've been feeling on the verge of tears for the last hour or so because Chad called and it seems as though things are coming to a head at his job and he just might be quitting or being fired today or something. Who knows? But it scares me because - well - it's part of our "living" you know and what if he's out of work for months and we end up losing the house and . . .
this is the way my brain works. Worst case scenario.
OMG. A dog just walked past the window!
I'm working the front desk right now. It was a very dirty beagle. A former mama. I wonder if she belongs to anyone around here.
Poor girl.
Well - I just needed to vent about this fear thing with Chad's job and my own insecurities. I don't think that I'll cry now.
Another thing I'm worried about is the wedding tomorrow (sorry Rachael - don't read ahead if you don't want to be upset - i'm not trying to ruin your special day - i'm just venting).
I just feel like I'm going to look like a large sherbet green blimp floating down the aisle. And not only am I going to look like said blimp, but all of this is going to be photographed and videoed for posterity. And then I'm going to have to watch it and look at pictures and pretend that I don't want to vomit. So - at least there will be liquor there.
Maybe it won't be so bad. I will be wearing a girdle. AND chad did say that if i don't like the one i have i can go out tomorrow and get another one. it's my own fault that i'm fat, i know. i just hope my blimpitude doesn't ruin it for everyone. I guess that's just silly.
Shame is such a big part of being fat. i am almost in the constant state of it. I guess if i were wearing a large black burka, instead of a thin flouncy and relatively short green sundress, it wouldn't be so bad. Ok - I will stop complaining right now. I'm going to enjoy myself no matter what!
Well - i will close for now. More later
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