The Granny Test and Other Adventures
Saturday, I spent the morning cleaning like a mad woman. I even cleaned the fan blades!!! That's when you really know you're cleaning. Anyway - I did all the floors and did laundry and linens and whatnot. It was pretty exhausting.
After that, I took a shower and got dressed and went out and about for awhile. The other day was my PawPaw's 80th bday and we were going to celebrate it that night at my Granny's. Now - going to Granny's is a big test. This is the food capital of my entire life.
First of all - the woman has bright orange countertops. Scientific studies have proven that orange countertops made a person hungry - hence the reason so many fast food countertops started out as orange- until people became enslaved and addicted to the food.
Anyway - and she never has just one entree- there may be three. It's a bounty. It's sick. You're wondering where the vomitorium is.
Anyway - so Saturday -went to WalMart and bought PawPaw a cool shirt and a straw hat and then came home and cleaned up some more.
We made our voyage to Granny's. Chad had been at the Archives all day. He's obsessed with geneology.
She had pork ribs and fried chicken. She had also fixed a feta and lettuce salad, this squash casserole, potato salad, green beans, corn, dirty rice, rolls, and a homemade blackberry cobbler -my number one weakness in the world. There were also TWO birthday cakes - a chocolate with white frosting and a decorated cookie cake.
I was in charge of bringing the ice cream - so I arrived dutifully with my fat free vanilla bean frozen yogurt and no sugar added reduced fat neopolitan. I figured if someone was going to start trying to save this ship of fools, it may as well be me.
Now - we always have those big styrofoam plates with all the compartments - the long rectangular ones. I filled up the big compartment with green beans. I took a medium sized helping of corn. Gran announced that the squash casserole had been made with fat free cream of mushroom and cream of chicken soup- so I helped myself to that. I had a bite-sized morsel of pork and I chose the smallest chicken breast and immediately removed the skin as soon as I sat down. I gave it to Chad.
I was very proud of myself.
AND - I had incentive. Rachael and Will were watching their wedding video for the first time and there I was - in all of my thunderous green glory - a pistachio nightmare! I told Chad that if I hadn't started doing something for myself and had continued on with the way I had been eating and then seen that video last night- I would probably be in an institution today from the breakdown.
I comforted myself with this thought,
'One day, your children are going to see this and they're going to say - Mommy, who's that big lady dancing with Daddy?" And I'm going to say,"That's me, sweetie." And they're not going to believe me. They're going to talk about "the fat lady" that daddy used to be with for months after.'
Dessert was okay too. I took a tiny piece of the cobbler. I nearly passed out it was so good. That's the cool thing about restraint - it's the same with food and sex - the longer you hold out - the better it is when you finally get a piece.
When cake cutting time arrived - I asked Chad to get me a tiny piece of cake - no larger than a child's block- and a tiny piece of cookie - not even as big as a regular chips ahoy cookie. I told him he could get me a regular scoop of the fat free vanilla yogurt.
And that was my dessert. Just to have a taste was great.
Granny was trying to push stuff on us to take home but I politely refused. I did however, say yes to a bag of fresh squash and fresh picked blackberries out of their yard.
Anyway - after that we went to my dad's who lives down the street and I got my face waxed and Dad and Chad talked about their job woes. Then home.
Today - we've lazed around quite a bit. I got out for a little while earlier and did some light shopping at Target. We needed more washing detergent. I found some cute pajamas on sale for 9.98-so I got them. They are pink with bunnies all over them.
Chad cooked ribs tonight - but when I saw the food label - I had to refuse. I had him cook me a smaller piece of center cut pork. He attempted to grill veggies for me - but kinda over seasoned them - like WAY too much. He has no experience with veggies - since he doesn't eat them.
I bought these Ore Ida steak fries from target- only 3 grams of fat and 120 calories for 7 BIG fries. Just bake them in the oven and they are awesome.
I had an orange and kiwi for dessert - the first orange I've had in probably four years. I had forgotten how wonderful they were.
I also dragged out my yoga mat and did some stretches while we watched Extreme Makeover home edition. It was good to stretch again. I could probably start doing that on a regular basis - stretching while we watch TV.
So - I have a few more loads of laundry to do and then beddie bye. Even though it's Memorial Day tomorrow - I don't have it off - because we get so many days off at Christmas. Oh well - they'll probably let us go home early. They usually do.
Chad is off and his parents are coming over. That should be fun.
Well - back to my laundry.
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