Too Much of a Good Thing
Well - another Sunday. Another weekend almost gone. Interesting few days.
Friday night - Chad and I decided to go out to dinner and ended up at Outback. It was okay, though I was so hungry by the time we got there, I began to worry that I wouldn't be able to contain my excitement. At one point, I grabbed at a hunk of the brown bread and ate it a little too voraciously - which Chad winced through and then shook his head.
I was okay after that, though. I ordered a new fish - actually new for me, anyway. Amberjack. When I got it, the flavor was nice but the texture was so slimy. I immediately went into pout mode. The waiter came and I expressed my disgust and then the manager came - grinning wildly and wanting to take care of everything. And I do mean everything - "can we bring you a salad?? a chicken breast? perhaps you would like a steak? or we could find a thinner cut of the fish and cook it longer so it won't be slimy? would that be okay? shall i grill it for you right now? myself?"
I sheepishly agreed to the thinner cut of fish and slouched in our booth. Moments like this always make me feel small. However - we were not about to pay 17 dollars for grilled veggies, water and a few slices of bread.
So - the second fish came out - and the grinning manager stood over me and said "now i want you to get a bite of this right now as I stand here so i can make sure it's all okay". Talk about pressure.
Well - it was a little less slimy, but slimy nonetheless. I smiled and said it was wonderful. He was giving me the creeps. I opted for gratitude, ate half of it and then politely asked for a box.
Saturday was more or less uneventful - except that I had a little too much of a good thing - which i will explain later.
Woke up before 8:00 am, as usual and decided that instead of trying to lull myself backt to sleep that I would venture out in search of garage sales.
Went to about five - driving all over our little "hamlet".
Only bought 1 goody - The Beatle's Seargeant Pepper's CD for $1.50 because I worship them and I don't have that one.
Not too bad.
The problems came in with my eating.
It was an interesting day.
I had my usual power bar for breakfast with milk. For lunch I had a bagel sandwich with Fat free cream cheese and reduced fat ham, pretzels and a small glass of juice. So far- so good. Then I ate an orange while watching the Reagan death coverage. Chad decided to take a nap and said to not wake him until seven, which meant dinner would be late. I was already feeling small pangs of hunger at 5:00. Hmmm - ok i could do this. I ate a larger portion of trifle than i should have at this point -but still - not too terribly bad.
Then i decided to do aerobics since I knew that I might be getting some extra calories at dinner. We had decided to do a Mexican Fiesta Feast. I would have burritos with FF beans, my sliced cheddar, FF sour cream and a little ground beef with taco seasoning. Chad also bought margarita mix that so we could make frozen ones in our smoothie machine. Then I was going to make some mexican rice from the pack - not too bad. And he also bought some WOW tortilla chips and salsa - which has barely any calories and no fat.
I woke him at 7:00 and we started cooking. I made the margaritas and we split what was in the machine. Then I browned the meat, made the rice, heated the tortillas, he had tacos. I had a few chips, some salsa. We sat down to eat at about 8:00. So I had two burritos with mostly beans, a little meat and a little rice in each one, a side of a few chips and the rest of the beans on my plate.
I went to my fitday journal to add things up.
2400 calories!
AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
So how could this have happened? I wasn't eating things that were *bad* for me or anything. I guess it was just too much. I was quite full.
So - an indiscretion with food. The reminder is that you have to be careful.
However- I did take action. I had a feeling the day would be calorific - maybe not that much - but still . . .
So my action was to do aerobics - for 45 minutes, to prepare my metabolism. Increase intake - increase activity.
This is one of the simplest ways to stay healthy. One of the no-brainers - and I must say that I think I put it to good use.
Am I freaked out?
Not really. I don't think that I did anything to necessarily harm myself. My judgment was off - of course, considering the alcohol - it was rightly so.
This morning I woke up feeling a little frightened. I was afraid to eat. I began to perceive my mouth as a monster. Then I briefly considered punishing myself. The thoughts were flying through my head this morning as I was cleaning up from last night "Well fat girl, guess what? Since you were such a glutton yesterday, you're not going to eat any meat today. Just fruits and veggies and maybe even not fruits. That's what you get. That's what you deserve".
Self hatred once again rearing it's ugly head.
I paused mid dish washing and caught my mind in the act.
A little later I had a clif bar and a glass of milk - all the while reminding myself that I am in control - no one else. Not food. Not anything or anyone but me. I chose to eat more than my share, I tried to take action and that is that.
What more can I do?
So - today - I'm ok. I'm going to eat normally. Healthily. I'm not going to punish or starve myself. I'm just not going to overdo it.
Whew.
Glad I've talked through all of that.
Just read 2 more books. Ella Minnow Pea - very cool book for all people who love linguistics and Plastic Jesus by Poppy Z. Brite. Very strange what if tale. Based on the Beatles - what would've happened if Paul and John became lovers and stayed together instead of going there separate ways over (basically) a woman.
They weren't called Paul and John, but it was obvious who it was about. Interesting. A novella. REad it this morning.
Well - I will close for now. Going to do some chores around here today.
More later
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