17

2004-06-27
First I must say that I HAVE LOST SEVENTEEN POUNDS as of this morning’s weigh in! Just three more to go before I schedule my hour massage! HURRAH!

Well – another weekend about to be put to bed. Let’s see- to recap.

I left off about to call Chad who said he had spoken to Dr. P at the building where he works and she told him that I wasn’t feeling well and that I had gone home – so apparently she thought I had left. So – I did.

A very irritating thing happened on the way home which involved me going to three different stations to try and get gas- only to run into some sort of ridiculous problem – one didn’t take Amex, one had the stupid little baggies on all of the pumps . . . I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned that I go into full-blown panic mode when I’m about to run out of gas. I’ve had panic attacks in the past and everything. I was okay though - since I’ve been monitoring my miles to the gallon- I pretty much can tell my situation from the odometer and not so much the gas gauge.

I still wasn’t feeling too hot by the time Chad got home, but we decided to go out anyway. We ended up at TJ Ribs where I enjoyed a yummy chicken breast and rice pilaf AND I got a baked potato. The giant one with REAL butter and REAL sour cream. I ate my chicken, most of the rice and about half of the potato. Then I pushed it away and knew that I was done. I was pretty proud of myself. I’ve been trying to implement that a lot in my eating – especially when we go out. I don’t want to regiment myself into the kind of thinking that says – you can ONLY eat half of this food, but instead, I’m trying to listen to my body. So far- my body hasn’t been letting me down. As long as I’m eating for the right reasons- because I’m hungry and need fuel and not because of some emotional thing.

After TJ’s we went to Barnes and Noble and shopped around for almost 2 hours. We had a great time. Chad has been a lot calmer lately and he seemed to be having a really good time. This hasn’t been the case in the past – often places like that make him nervous and he doesn’t like to hang around for too long looking at stuff- but he was very content.

Anyway – he bought me a Siouxsie and the Banshees CD and we listened to it in the car on the way home. The band is kind of like the female version of the Cure – and Robert Smith even played with them at some point. Anyway – we’ve decided to dress up as Robert and Siouxsie for Halloween this year. I’m very excited about this! Although- tonight he informed me that he wasn’t wearing makeup. I was like – HELLO, you CANNOT dress up as Robert Smith without wearing makeup. You’ll end up looking like yourself with very very bad hair. I’m working on him.

Anyway – so later on that night we were almost home and he says – You know, I kinda wanted dessert. So we turned the car around and went to Applebees where I got the weight watcher’s chocolate and raspberry cake –pretty delicious- although very small – but since I’m trying to abandon gluttony –it wasn’t so bad. I was quite full actually.

So – it was like we had a real date- great conversation, fun times. Chad’s on new meds- in case I hadn’t mentioned. I think they’re working well. I don’t guess he’ll mind me mentioning it since so many people know.

Anyway – so a great night.

The next day was relatively boring. I really wanted to continue my shoequest – but was so dizzy. I ended up making a mix CD of summer songs. Very very cool. I’ll list the songs for you – Good Day Sunshine by the Beatles, Margaritaville and Boat Drinks by Jimmy Buffett, Wouldn’t it be nice, Surfin USA and The Warmth of the Sun by the Beach Boys, Who loves the sun by The Velvet Underground, Sunny Afternoon by the Kinks, Rocka Hula Baby by Elvis, Three Little Birds and Sun is shining by Bob Marley, Montego Bay by Bobby Bloom, Jump in the Line on steel drums, Aloha Oe by Don Ho, Bitty Bong Bong by Eek a Mouse (very reggae), Wipe Out, a few Dick Dale surf guitar songs including Sleepwalking (which I love), a cover of Surfin Safari by the Ramones, Doin Time (Summertime) by Sublime, A Summer Song by Chad and Jeremy, Island in the Sun by Wheezer, The boys of summer cover by the Ataris. I like it a lot – I think it captures my feelings for summer – not that I really like summer all that much – but I thought the music would help.

Anyway – I finally conquered my dizziness at about 3:00 and ventured out for shoes again. I knew that I should have just gone to Parade in the first place –a shoe store that has never let me down in the past. The only downside is that it’s in Cortana Mall – the “old” mall of Baton Rouge –which can be a bit scary at times.

Anyway – I found my elusive brown sandals – although they aren’t crocodile – they will suit me fine. I also bought another black pair. I don’t think I mentioned that I did actually find the crocodile dreams shoes I had been seeking. I went to the Tanger outlet on Thursday night and got tons of exercise while shoe shopping – the shoes were in some store- I can’t even remember the name. And they were priced $49.99. No thanks.

Afterwards, I decided I should try to get Chad a little something for his birthday, even though he told me not to because we are having a party for him next weekend. Well- I went to Hot Topic and lo and behold, there were 2 Cure shirts on the wall display. The largest size was XL, but I figured I would get it anyway – the little salesguy said that the shirts ran big and wouldn’t shrink. AND I know that’s he’s losing weight. I couldn’t wait to give it to him when I got home. He was excited, but of course, it was TOO small.

But- it will be something that he can look forward to wearing with increased weight loss.

Anyway – that night he had to go into work, so I bummed around the house doing laudry and watching random nothingness on TV. I also finished A Confederacy of Dunces – pretty good but don’t know why it got the Pulitzer. I mean – I think I only laughed out loud twice. I don’t know – maybe because it’s too close to home, being set in New Orleans and everything.

Today we went to his parents for his birthday lunch. His brother came over and cooked. FANTASTIC! Quail, with butternut squash, sage and proscuitto infused risotto. The quail was glazed with a port-wine demi glace. It was exquisite and not very fattening either. He has begun to cook much lighter fare. He also made a pretty good dessert- this chocolate pudding cake – which didn’t even call for a full stick of butter. It was excellent- not too sweet.

At some point during the cooking, the smell of the food overwhelmed me and I thought I was going to throw up at any minute. I had to leave the room. It was then that the pregnancy paranoia hit me. I’ve had this recurrent paranoia ever since I started having sex about 9 years ago. Doesn’t matter what sort of birth control method is involved- it seems as though I am obsessively looking for signs of pregnancy at random intervals in my life. Well – okay so Friday afternoon I got very nauseated and had to leave work. And most of the day Saturday I was dizzy and had to recline, until my shopping needs prevailed. Okay okay – not too bad. Then of course I have the nausea smell thing. THEN – after dinner, I suddenly become so sleepy I can hardly keep my eyes open – so Chad asks if I would like to go in the back and take a nap. I agree and FOUR HOURS LATER , I emerge! I took a 4 hour nap! AND I had a full night’s sleep! I haven’t taken a four hour nap . . . EVER!

Ok – so now I’m beginning to worry. Even though I faithfully take my pill every morning. I’m still nauseated as we speak. I’m wondering if perhaps I have some sort of infection in my body that’s making me have these symptoms. It’s possible. I’ll see how I feel tomorrow. I was seriously considering not going in since I know that I won’t be able to sleep tonight and she’ll be out of town. I may go in and leave. I have to get some more letters out.

So – let’s see. We left Chad’s parents at about seven and ended up eating dinner at a new restaurant in our town, Franks Smokehouse. I’ve eaten there before long ago in another part of town and I like it. Chad, still picking quail from his teeth, said the restaurant was one step above a truckstop. Snob. Oh well – when you have a gourmet dish like that for lunch and then stop at a local equivalent of the Cracker Barrell – well … I didn’t have the same attitude. I was thrilled to see that they had egg beaters and turkey sausage on the breakfast menu – so I had a breakfast. It was great. I didn’t eat all of it either. Pushed the remains away like a good little girl and asked for a box. Chad heartily ate an entire seafood platter.

So – here we are – at home. Actually, he’s turned in, but I’m wide awake, of course. Hope I’ll be able to fall asleep. I can’t believe they let me sleep for four hours. Crazy!!

Well – I will dash for now. More later.

9:12 p.m. ::
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