So Much 2 Say

2004-10-11
So – there’s much to tell.
Not feeling too well at the moment, though. Woke up at 4:00. Mr. B again. Damn wiener.
Had to take him OUT this time. Well – I suppose it’s better than him ruining the carpets . . . oh wait – he’s already done that! Ok – not bitter about the dog. Not bitter. Geez- I’m starting to sound like Chad here.
Ok so Friday I left at noon so that I could go to the annual LSU Book Bazaar (and take care of a few other things before leaving for the retreat). The book bazaar is one event that I really look forward to every year. It’s like a giant garage sale with just books. It’s awesome. I got about $23 worth on that day – about 18 books I think. Good stuff, too.
Then I went home and chilled and packed and got ready.
The retreat was great. I feel like we really got to know people a lot better.
That night, I became very emotional after reading a scripture that I’ve read a million times but –this time was different. It was Isaiah 61:1-3
“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me, because the LORD has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed 2He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the LORD's favor has come, and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies. 3To all who mourn in Israel, he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the LORD has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory.”
When I read the line about “bring comfort to the brokenhearted and to announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed” I just saw myself helping women. Telling them – you don’t have to be captive to your eating disorders, to your self-hatred. And then with the words “beauty for ashes” I thought- “wouldn’t it be neat to have a total thing where you helped a woman to feel beautiful inside and out?” So my little mental wheels were turning.
Of course, everyone who has ever been on a “church retreat” knows that revelations of this sort are a dime a dozen. And I don’t mean to be a cynic – but it has a tendency to be true. So – I do hope that this isn’t some passing fancy in my mind. Some brief moment in October, 2004 where I got teary over a scripture and then never did anything to help anyone. Although – Georgi made this point to me – that perhaps it doesn’t have to be anything on some grandiose scale – and that I’m helping her – so maybe that’s a part of it.
Actually, we were talking about “gifts” at the retreat - as far as spiritual and physical or whatever and how you know what gift you have, etc. I probably should have spoken up but didn’t because I didn’t want to seem like some sort of a snob tooting my own horn.
Everyone was droning on and on about “I don’t know what my gift is and maybe I’m just not supposed to know but I wish that I could know because blah blah blah” I wanted to say – “Well, my problem is the opposite. From the time I was in first grade I was labeled “gifted” and put into a class and constantly told – You’re a writer. You’re such a great writer. And so here I sit – knowing full-well what my gift is. But not using it. Not at all. (I don’t really count this diary – perhaps I should.) So you see folks, it’s not the knowing – but the using.”
But now I’m thinking – hmm – wanting to help women. Already have a gift for writing. Perhaps I should write something that will help.
Who knows?
So – the retreat was nice, all in all. Chad and I actually got to sleep in the same bed – although he barely slept at all and was grouchy the next day. I do think he needs to see a doctor about this. I mean, I know that people are going to the doctor for everything these days, but if there’s help out there, why not get it?
We went back to the book bazaar on Saturday afternoon. In the last few hours of the sale, everything is marked down half price – or there are all of these deals all over the place (a whole box from this table for a $1) - so I got some more books and ended up getting this great book that Gretchen recommended called “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” It’s awesome. A $24 book in great condition that I got for 25 cents. It was marked $5 for the sale, but since it was the end of the sale, they were trying to get rid of stuff. I’m so glad I have this book. Perhaps I can share it with my daughter one day.
Sunday – Chad went to the Saints game and Georgi and I went to church. It was great. Then after that we hung out at my house for some time before going shopping. I showed her the book and she thought it was great.
Then we went shopping for Chad’s mom’s birthday gift (her bday is next weekend) among other things.
The GREAT news is that I bought a pair of pants in a size 18/20! Hurrah! Haven’t seen that size in a long time. Never quite got up to 26 – or should I say, never actually bought a 26, just squeezed into 24s for as long as I could. So this is good. Hopefully the dress will fit for the wedding. I need to try it on with my girdle. Haven’t done that yet.
All in all, we had a really nice day. Last night, after Chad got home, we went to Ninfa’s for dinner where I had a scandalously fattening meal. Will make up for it today.
Right now, though, I’m having this mega bagel lust! I want a bagel so bad I can hardly stand it.
This morning was interested.
We keep the dog’s food bag on the floor near his bowl – right next to the door. Anyway – so I walked into the kitchen and the food bag was moving –not like – moving across the room, but shaking – there was rustling from within. And then, suddenly, a small brown mouse jumped to the edge, with a kibble in his paws, and clumsily scurried across the floor. I watched, frozen in horror. Grreat. I don’t think I mentioned that Mr. B successfully killed one of them about a month ago. Funny story – although I don’t think Chad would appreciate me telling it, considering it has to do with him being on the toilet.
So we have vermin.
Anyway – guess I will go for now. More later.

12:04 p.m. ::
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