Baby Blue

March 07, 2005
The color of my shirt today (that I bought for $2 at the Goodwill on Saturday!)

Also the color of my mood right now.

The other night while on the way to dinner, Chad and I were having a serious discussion about me becoming pregnant at this weight and what the consequences of that might be.

The questions – How am I going to continue to diet if I’m pregnant? Is that possible? What about the 30 pounds that you’re almost guaranteed to gain? How am I going to have a healthy baby if I weigh over 300 pounds? What if they put me on bed rest at 2 months and I lose my job? What if I get prenatal diabetes? What if the baby dies? What if I die?

Deep breath.

We’ve decided that we’re not going to aggressively pursue it until more weight has been lost – but I’m not going back on the pill. So no more basal body temp checkings or ovulation tracking. It’s quite depressing. But – if it happens, well – it happens.

So I’ve got that “in my craw” so to speak. Then my stepmom calls me yesterday afternoon and tells me that my old best friend from high school is pregnant and is due in July. Which of course makes me feel both thrilled and sad at the same time – because I can’t believe I didn’t know. Although – I know that people go their separate ways, etc. It just depressed me.

Anyway – and so then I go to a baby shower yesterday afternoon, where it’s nothing but baby stuff- baby hats, baby shoes, baby booties, baby rattles, baby clothes, baby conversation – AGH! And then the sister of the girl having the shower is 3 months pregnant. So of course, people are asking, about Chad and I and when are we going to start trying, etc.

So – I’m all mopey for the afternoon. Then I go home and am flipping through the channels and there’s a woman having a baby on this channel and a woman having a baby on another channel. Then I turn to WE (women’s entertainment) and a movie is starting. I see “John Hughes” as the director and I’m like “Oooh – what’s this? Something good?”

Yep, you guessed it.

She’s Having a Baby

Anyway – I’m just going to press on with weight loss and with health. Chad and I are doing ridiculously well with Weight Watchers. I’m hoping the time will fly (and the weight along with it.)

9:51 a.m. ::
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Our First Baby is Due on November 23!!!
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