TERROR

April 12, 2005
I will start this with a disclaimer: I AM grateful for the pregnancy posting boards at this website that Iím a member of - however . . .

I am TERRIFIED!!!

The thing about me is Ė I probably shouldnít read about everything that could possibly go wrong in a pregnancy considering that this is my state of mind most of the time. (and if youíre too lazy to click Ė Iíll sum it up by saying that I am somewhat of a hypochondriac.)

. . .

Okay, okay Iím crazed with thoughts of disease!!!

Just yesterday I had the delight of learning what a molar pregnancy is. It has nothing to do with an unfortunate dental incident and it doesnít mean that your child is born with a full set of teeth (ouch!). It means that although your body develops a sac and all of your preg tests come out positive, there is NO baby. Because an empty egg was fertilized and your body has been tricked into thinking itís carry a baby. Only itís not.

ISNíT THAT FUCKING RIDICULOUS AND TERRIFYING????

Anyway Ė someone had it happen to her and was freaked out. And now Iím freaked out.

Which I guess I shouldnít be. I mean- I do need to be aware of what could possibly go wrong Ė on some levels. I canít live in this glossed-over world throwing flowers in the air and skipping down the yellow brick road of my own naivetť.

Itís just a scary thing. And I know Ė I know that Iíve been through bad things before Ė through worst case diagnosis scenarios. Through terrible tragedies and freak accidents. And yet I donít want to be pessimistic because I donít think itís good for me or the baby (if in fact there is one- sigh)

I just need to get to the damn doctor. My GOD why do they make you wait so fricking long?!? Why? Itís like a boyfriend telling you, ďWe need to talkĒ and then saying ďIíll call you when I get back from my 3 week trip to Honolulu with my fraternity brothers.Ē

I am one who strongly believes in mental torture Ė because I have been SUCH A VICTIM OF IT MYSELF!!!

Well Ė Friday we will know more. I hope. Just 2 more days.

I have never looked forward to going to a gynecologist before. Guess this will be one of many (good) firsts Ė letís pray.

3:50 p.m. ::
prev :: next
|



Our First Baby is Due on November 23!!!
Lilypie Baby PicLilypie Baby Ticker