TERROR
I am TERRIFIED!!!
The thing about me is � I probably shouldn�t read about everything that could possibly go wrong in a pregnancy considering that this is my state of mind most of the time. (and if you�re too lazy to click � I�ll sum it up by saying that I am somewhat of a hypochondriac.)
. . .
Okay, okay I�m crazed with thoughts of disease!!!
Just yesterday I had the delight of learning what a molar pregnancy is. It has nothing to do with an unfortunate dental incident and it doesn�t mean that your child is born with a full set of teeth (ouch!). It means that although your body develops a sac and all of your preg tests come out positive, there is NO baby. Because an empty egg was fertilized and your body has been tricked into thinking it�s carry a baby. Only it�s not.
ISN�T THAT FUCKING RIDICULOUS AND TERRIFYING????
Anyway � someone had it happen to her and was freaked out. And now I�m freaked out.
Which I guess I shouldn�t be. I mean- I do need to be aware of what could possibly go wrong � on some levels. I can�t live in this glossed-over world throwing flowers in the air and skipping down the yellow brick road of my own naivet�.
It�s just a scary thing. And I know � I know that I�ve been through bad things before � through worst case diagnosis scenarios. Through terrible tragedies and freak accidents. And yet I don�t want to be pessimistic because I don�t think it�s good for me or the baby (if in fact there is one- sigh)
I just need to get to the damn doctor. My GOD why do they make you wait so fricking long?!? Why? It�s like a boyfriend telling you, �We need to talk� and then saying �I�ll call you when I get back from my 3 week trip to Honolulu with my fraternity brothers.�
I am one who strongly believes in mental torture � because I have been SUCH A VICTIM OF IT MYSELF!!!
Well � Friday we will know more. I hope. Just 2 more days.
I have never looked forward to going to a gynecologist before. Guess this will be one of many (good) firsts � let�s pray.
