First Annual Friday Flashback
I suppose I�ll tell a humorous chemo story. (How�s that for an oxymoron?)
It was a Friday afternoon in November. I�d already had my first chemo 2 weeks earlier, intravenously through my hand, which was the equivalent of being stung up the arm by thousands of wasps � not to mention it took SEVEN hours!!! It was quickly decided that I needed a mediport. I didn�t like the idea of this at all � but the seven hour wasp session didn�t seem like an option either.
The port was surgically �installed� in my left vena cava. The port looks something like this:
And it�s installed in this area:
Here�s a photo where you can see the scar pretty well:
It was under my skin and stuck out a bit. It freaked me every now and again. I�d think about it being in there and I�d get the willies and the backs of my thighs would tingle.
Anyway � about three days after this port insertion surgery, I had to have my second round of chemo. So that meant that they had to �access� the port for the first time.
So I�m sitting in the chemo recliner with my freshly cut hair (because it had already started to fall out and it�s easier seeing short hair fall out than long) when the nurse came to begin the process.
They attempted to �access� the port and it hurt LIKE HELL!!! First of all, for whatever reason, my stupidassed surgeon had made the incision right over the access point. There�s only a little circle (about the size of a penny) that you can stick the needle into. So they had to literally stick the needle into the incision.
I know that you�re thinking to yourself - Is this supposed to be funny? This is not funny. When will this get funny? Just wait a sec. . .
So � they have me properly stuck � or so they assume � and decide to pump saline instead of the drugs � just in case they�ve missed the access point.
Well � it�s hurting so bad that I can�t stop crying. I mean � tears are just streaming and streaming down my face. My mom is there along with Kathleen and they�re like �Does it really hurt that bad?�
I keep thinking that usually when you get stuck and they�ve accessd a vein � it stops hurting after 5 seconds. Anyway � I�d been under a blanket the entire time � because they keep this room morgue temperature (which is creepy) and I remove the blanket to see what the hell is going on with this damn needle.
The looks on my Mother�s and Kathleen�s face say quite a bit. A mixture of shock, horror and a smirk.
I have a GIGANTIC left boob!
I�m talking � Pamela Anderson before she had her first set taken out boob.
We cannot help but laugh. I mean � I was a comfortable C anyway � but . . .
By that time, the nurse rushes over and gasps and calls over other nurses.
�Oh sweetie! Oh darlin! No wonder it was hurtin!� (That�s always how these South Louisiana nurses sound � nothing against them God bless their hearts) �Your tissues have been pumped with about a half gallon of saline!!!�
Grrreat.
I�m sitting there introducing the left one to the right one �Anna Nicole Smith meet Ginger Smith� (my maiden name).
So � in order to prove I�m �such a little trooper� I say the only thing a person could say at this point:
�Could you do the other one?�
