Pregnant F-Bomber
Not happy � but I�ve ranted about such hair nonsense on a few other blog occasions so I decline to continue.
So yesterday was my first real Mother�s Day. (Actually, I secretly plan to count next year�s Mother�s Day as my first real one too.) It was a good day all in all. Went to church, which was great. It�s funny how I�ll be so tired and I won�t want to go, but in the end I�m never sorry that I went.
Anyway � we had lunch at his parents� down in Pierre Part. Brandon the chef cooked crawfish bisque. It was really good.
We also went to Baby Grand at Woman�s Hospital on Saturday. I ran into my old best friend � the one my Stepmom told me was pregnant a few months ago and it depressed me because I wasn�t pregnant and we were going to stop trying (only I was pregnant and didn�t know it). Anyway � that was neat.
We didn�t win anything though. I was quite bitter about that. Then Chad got called in to work � so the afternoon was shot. Actually � I went to my dad�s and got my face waxed (my Stepmom is a manicurist/pedicurist/face waxist). It seems that I�m growing a beard and Elvis sideburns thanks to my hormonal wackiness.
My dad and Sara have offered us daycare for $50 a week (because she would lose business if she switched to taking care of our baby every day.) I think we�re totally going to take them up on it. I�ve been shopping around and daycare is FUCKING EXPENSIVE. And yes, I�m calling it FUCKING expensive, because it is! There is no other nice way to put it.
I�ve been through quite a lovely range of emotions today which included � Teeth Clenching Moments of Hostility Towards This Office�s Lack of Paid Maternity Leave and Tearful Breakdowns While Reading Anniversary Cards at Hallmark (tomorrow is my 2 year wedding anniversary and CHAD if you�re reading this I guess this is a reminder although I wasn�t going to remind you at all as a bitchy test and then if you forgot, I was going to go BUCK NASTY WILD on your ass � and NOT the good kind of nasty � the screaming hysterical kind of nasty.)
Anyway � as it turns out � I have no paid maternity. I have FMLA � the Family Medical Leave Act � which says that you can take up to 12 weeks of UNPAID leave and they won�t give your job to someone else.
I don�t know about you, but the last time I checked, 3 month�s salary is QUITE A FUCKING DENT!!! ESPECIALLY when you are having to stock up on a landfill�s worth of diapers and other baby accessories. So, I say to them (I won�t even go into who they are exactly) �
Well what about short-term disability.
Oh we don�t have short-term disability here
Okay then. So what?
So you have to use your sick time and annual time towards your leave.
Ummm � but that�s only like 3 weeks or something?
Well that�s just how it is.
This is the part where I should have gone Norma Rae on their asses and scrawled PAID MATERNITY on some cardboard with a sharpie. Actually, the only thing within reach is a blank sheet of tabloid size paper. That might have worked. A little flimsy . . . but.
In case you don�t know the reference, here�s a photo:
If I would have felt like it, I may have morphed my face onto Sally Field�s and changed the sign, but I�m tired.
Anyway � so I made this outrageously complicated chart for the first 5 hours of this morning plotting out exactly how much time I would accrue between now and then and how much I would need and all that in relation to the alignment of the planets and it turns out that I�m FUCKING SCREWED!!!!
It turns out that if I try to stay out for the entire allotted time, that I will lose almost $4000 of salary. It takes most people a year to save up that kind of money. Or maybe not most people, but debt drowning people like me. I�ve never even saved FOUR dollars, much less. . .
So you�re saying � well just go back early.
Well � maybe that�s the bottom line. Maybe I have to. Good thing we�re going to use my Dad and Sara because most daycares won�t even take a baby until its 6 weeks old.
Of course, my chart didn�t even consider the horrific prospect of bedrest which is highly likely for a fat pregnant woman. If that happens . . . I just don�t know. Actually, I called AFLAC this morning and they said they would �cover� bedrest time, just not maternity leave. I don�t know what they mean by cover. Guess I will find out on Wednesday when the representative gets here.
In the meantime � I am greasy. I am disgruntled. I am tired.
I am pregnant woman � hear me whine!!!
