HoreMOANs

September 19, 2005
Well – it appears that the hormones are finally eating away at my brain.

For whatever reason, I’ve become so irritable and picky it’s beyond words – or is it?

Okay – for one thing, I’ve become crazed over the nursery. In fact, I’m in the state of mind that if anyone suggests anything different from my original “creative vision” that I’m going to get ghetto on somebody’s ass.

Last week several members of my family suggested that instead of putting ceramic tile in the lovely “sand” color that I’ve chosen (to compliment the entire under the sea theme) I should throw down vinyl. I think I gagged audibly. Not that there isn’t some very nice vinyl out there – but since we have ceramic and wood throughout our entire house, why deviate?

And that reminds me of the other comments – “HARD TILE – in a BABY’S ROOM?” To which I wanted to say, “Haven’t you ever heard of a fucking rug?” But instead said – “Oh we’ll have lots of cute throw rugs. With those rubber mats underneath – so we won’t go sailing across the room when we step on them.” (My teeth were gritting throughout.)

In fact – I’m now officially ANTI-WALL-TO-WALL carpet.

Why?

Why even put it down? I mean – most of it looks like shit within a year or two, unless you’re some sort of petless, childless neat freak. I mean – they sell rugs. Nice ones that aren’t even that expensive. And when they look like shit after a year – you can a.) roll it up and actually send it out to be cleaned (instead of having some scam-assed cleaning company to come and basically make the shit sopping wet for 2 days – and what exactly does that do?) or b.) throw the bitch away and buy a new one! Isn’t that a great idea? I think it’s fabulous.

What a damn scam – wall-to-wall carpet! What an outrageous lie that the public has bought for all of these years!

(Are you now starting to see how crazy I’ve become?)

You know what it is – it’s the constant suggestions. Its family members speaking that phrase that begins with “Well you know what you could do . . .” that makes my eye twitch and my spine start to shudder.

It’s like I’ve gotten to the point that the only ideas I want to buy into are my own. Isn’t that insane? I keep thinking – if one person tries to make me put something in that room that doesn’t go with the theme –I’ll go crazy. I don’t care how many hours Aunt So-in-So spent crotcheting the blanket – the colors are wrong and it’s padding for the dog bed as far as I’m concerned!

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

I AM OUTRAGED at my own thoughts!!!!

As if I would pad the dog’s bed with an heirloom?

And there’s even worse news, folks: I’m supposed to switch from Prozac to Zoloft when the Prozac runs out because of breastfeeding or something. I don’t know –I need to double check on this.

I’ve never done a med-switch, but I hear it can get very very ugly.

God help Chad. He’s home this week for once – but I’ll bet in 48 hours he’ll be on a tarmac somewhere clawing on the outside of a jet and begging them to let him on.

Anyway – I don’t think I shared the theme pics. Well – actually, it’s just the bedding. Here’s a photo:

And we’re having a mural done - if I can somehow allow someone other than me to paint things on the walls.

Anyway – that’s all for now. Before I go off on a tangent about the lack of gigantic bras in Baton Rouge to fit my gigantic-assed pregnant, freakishly giant-nippled, dilapidated milk bags that I used to know as my very lovely breasts.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

12:03 p.m. ::
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