HoreMOANs

September 19, 2005
Well � it appears that the hormones are finally eating away at my brain.

For whatever reason, I�ve become so irritable and picky it�s beyond words � or is it?

Okay � for one thing, I�ve become crazed over the nursery. In fact, I�m in the state of mind that if anyone suggests anything different from my original �creative vision� that I�m going to get ghetto on somebody�s ass.

Last week several members of my family suggested that instead of putting ceramic tile in the lovely �sand� color that I�ve chosen (to compliment the entire under the sea theme) I should throw down vinyl. I think I gagged audibly. Not that there isn�t some very nice vinyl out there � but since we have ceramic and wood throughout our entire house, why deviate?

And that reminds me of the other comments � �HARD TILE � in a BABY�S ROOM?� To which I wanted to say, �Haven�t you ever heard of a fucking rug?� But instead said � �Oh we�ll have lots of cute throw rugs. With those rubber mats underneath � so we won�t go sailing across the room when we step on them.� (My teeth were gritting throughout.)

In fact � I�m now officially ANTI-WALL-TO-WALL carpet.

Why?

Why even put it down? I mean � most of it looks like shit within a year or two, unless you�re some sort of petless, childless neat freak. I mean � they sell rugs. Nice ones that aren�t even that expensive. And when they look like shit after a year � you can a.) roll it up and actually send it out to be cleaned (instead of having some scam-assed cleaning company to come and basically make the shit sopping wet for 2 days � and what exactly does that do?) or b.) throw the bitch away and buy a new one! Isn�t that a great idea? I think it�s fabulous.

What a damn scam � wall-to-wall carpet! What an outrageous lie that the public has bought for all of these years!

(Are you now starting to see how crazy I�ve become?)

You know what it is � it�s the constant suggestions. Its family members speaking that phrase that begins with �Well you know what you could do . . .� that makes my eye twitch and my spine start to shudder.

It�s like I�ve gotten to the point that the only ideas I want to buy into are my own. Isn�t that insane? I keep thinking � if one person tries to make me put something in that room that doesn�t go with the theme �I�ll go crazy. I don�t care how many hours Aunt So-in-So spent crotcheting the blanket � the colors are wrong and it�s padding for the dog bed as far as I�m concerned!

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

I AM OUTRAGED at my own thoughts!!!!

As if I would pad the dog�s bed with an heirloom?

And there�s even worse news, folks: I�m supposed to switch from Prozac to Zoloft when the Prozac runs out because of breastfeeding or something. I don�t know �I need to double check on this.

I�ve never done a med-switch, but I hear it can get very very ugly.

God help Chad. He�s home this week for once � but I�ll bet in 48 hours he�ll be on a tarmac somewhere clawing on the outside of a jet and begging them to let him on.

Anyway � I don�t think I shared the theme pics. Well � actually, it�s just the bedding. Here�s a photo:

And we�re having a mural done - if I can somehow allow someone other than me to paint things on the walls.

Anyway � that�s all for now. Before I go off on a tangent about the lack of gigantic bras in Baton Rouge to fit my gigantic-assed pregnant, freakishly giant-nippled, dilapidated milk bags that I used to know as my very lovely breasts.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

12:03 p.m. ::
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