Pain and Swelling

Bonjour. i'm at work but i don't feel like doing anything. i feel like writing. i feel like running out of here and going home and sleeping while the rain pours outside of my window. Actually - I wish I were in a giant room with tons of windows (all shaded of course) with a giant round bed in the middle - a fabulous mattress and awesome bedding - and Chad and I were in the bed, with Mr. B, and Chad was cool with this, and we were talking and laying there and listening to the rain and petting Mr. B. That's the place I wish i was.

oh well...

it's almost 1:00 here so my lunch is just about over. I eat at my desk most days = the geek that i am.

I've become increasingly addicted to coffee. It's not a good thing. At least I'm not insisting to myself that i have to stop at CCs every morning and get the mocha. My God- i'd be so broke by now.

I had a very interesting thought the other day. In all honesty, it was a "toilet thought" but damn it if those just aren't the best thoughts!

I was thinking about the words "pain" and "swelling". Then I thought, does pain always accompany swelling, or vice versa? THEN i said - hmmm - i am swollen (fat) because of PAIN! AHA! But what pain? Something emotional! Something hidden away! I need to find it.

It was a small eureka moment. I mean, duh- it's obvious that i'm fat because something has hurt me - but it was fun to make that pain and swelling connection.

So- i guess I have to get to the bottom of that at some point. Still thinking about the weightloss options. Want to attack it on all levels - emotionally, physically, spiritually. I have to look at this from every angle, you know. I'm wondering who can help me! I guess that i should check out our insurance plan and see if there are any registered dieticians on the list. I just don't know. i feel like i need a whole team of people to help me. Hey, wait a minute? isn't that what they do on "the swan"? Good lord.

I'm not about to go on a reality makeover show. I need at least a year to get my shit together.

I need to brainstorm about this over the weekend. In the meantime, I have been doing a bit better. Went to the grocery store and made very healthy choices. Bought an angel food cake, made some chocolate pudding and then made some yummy low fat desserts - a slice of angel food cake, pudding on top, with a dollop of fat free cool whip. Not too bad.

It's so hard living with a man who doesn't eat fruit or vegetables. It makes me lazy. I guess it's no excuse -but - it would be so much easier if he had healthier habits.

Well - more later.


12:53 p.m. ::
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