The Stomach Cries Hungry

The first signs of weakness have arrived. I knew they would and I have been preparing for them. Suddenly my brain was awash with multiple images of food - scrolling at lightning speed - large slices of cheesecake with raspberry puree oozing down the sides, giant plates of steaming spaghetti and meatballs covered with cheese, brownies iced with fudgey frosting, swimming pools filled with M&Ms... Shall I go on? I think not!

Why am I doing this?

Because the smell of Mexican food was in the office. Which made me think of platefuls of Mexican fatty goodness, which somehow triggered my cheesecake thoughts and then all hell broke loose in my head.

I'm just about over it. Wait - oh -

chocolate and banana cheesecake at Copeland's ... ooooooh.



I had several conversations with myself today. The BRAT appeared on the scene -pouting and angry and wanting Mexican food. "you can't even go out to eat - you can't even enjoy a nice dinner with your husband. You can't even eat Mexican Food!"

Then THIN-GER showed up (rhymes with Ginger) = this is the thin me that's waiting to get out.

"No - you CAN eat Mexican food. But since you just started this last week, you need to stay away from such foods for a good while. It's not that you can't eat it again - you just shouldn't eat it right now. It will be okay."

Ahh feeling better.

BRAT and THINGER had many of these conversations today.

The bottom line.

I'm hungry.

Why am I hungry?

Because I've only taken in about 560 calories today. That's why. And that makes sense. And it's almost 5:00 and it's getting close to dinner. So - I'll cope. I'll go on.

I think I'm going to do okay. I can't let these thoughts control me - I have to control them. That part of me that used to be so thrilled and soothed by food is still there and wants to be heard. I will have to quiet her with logic and fruit.

I don't know what else to do.

I'm going to say a prayer for myself.

4:55 p.m. ::
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