So THAT explains it

2004-06-08
So - another day at the office. Just got back from a long relatively boring meeting at the Capitol. But, Dr. P asked me to go - so - what can I say?

I was looking at all the thin, successful business-women in their suits and beautiful clothes and I just couldn't wait to be able to buy such beautiful things. I mean - I know that they make pretty nice clothes in my size, but - I just felt like it wasn't worth it - yeah - let's put a $300 suit on a pig and call it fashion. I know that's sad, but . . . that's how I felt.

And I know that leads into a whole other conversation about deriving worth from appearance, etc. etc. blah blah blah - I don't feel like going into it. I am dealing with all of it.

Anywho - after awhile I began counting "ums" in the meeting. This one woman said "um" 40 times in three minutes! AND she clucked the word out everytime like some sort of chicken with turets. It was awful.

So I'm back. Oh and now I know why I was such a basket case yesterday. I went to the bathroom this morning and VOILA - le period!

Duh!

I'm a little bloated, but I weighed anyway (I know, I know, I shouldn't have) and those 2 extra pounds were gone from yesterday - so - I was glad. I knew I didn't believe it.

Last night was good. Went to the library after work to return some books and check out some new ones. Here's what I'll be investing my time in for the next few weeks: A Confederacy of Dunces (which I have wanted to read forever), the newest Carrie Fisher book (can't remember the name), Rediscovering America by Bill Bryson (I think that's what it's called), Theif of Time by Terry Pratchett and a book with all sorts of diet tips and secrets.

Chad cooked fish for us last night and I did like it. I tried tilapia for the first time and it wasn't bad at all. Plus I'm loving the whole nutritional value thing. My fish last night, which totally filled me up, had only 93 calories, 1 gram of fat and 21 grams of protein!! I'm very into "food bargains". I was always a bargain shopper, but now it's like - I can have this entire 2 cups of steamed veggies for 50 calories OR I can have this 1/2 cup of mashed potatoes for 150. Hmmmmm....wonder what I will choose? It's almost like a game. I've began looking at food for what it's worth and it's quite interesting. Often, the logic outweighs the desire. In fact, almost every single time it has. Like the time I was thinking of buying a 3 Musketeers bar at Target because I know that it's supposedly so "lite" and so much better than all the other candy bars. And I read the package and I think it had like - 9 grams of fat and 300 calories or something - and in my mind I'm thinking - that's 1.5 servings of Chocolate Brownie Fantasy Frozen Yogurt AND the yogurt has no added fat!Or I'm like - that's almost 6 small apples! It just doesn't add up. My God - when I think back to how much I used to eat. I can't even believe it! Well- actually, looking in the mirror and seeing the scale, I totally can. As can everyone else. That's the sad thing about it. Being fat is like being in a walking debtor's prison. Well - soon enough I will succeed. Actually, I am succeeding. I need to think of it that way.

Well - more later - lunch is almost over and then it's back to work.

12:55 p.m. ::
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