Future Shock

Just sitting here waiting for my lean cuisine to heat up and feeling a little sad.

My office mate and I were talking about college and she's been looking at getting a bachelor's even though she's in her 40s. So I decided I would look too and see about the Graduate Programs, etc. Turns out you have to have a 3.0 overall from your undergraduate work to even be considered. Made me sick - because I was such a stupid little fucking idiot in college. Only had a 2.6! Oh well - what can I do? Nothing, i suppose. What I really would like to study is Graphic Design. I wonder how or where I could do this. I'm thinking I could probably go to a community college and study it for free, considering where I work.

I dunno.

It just saddened me. I mean - to have your entire future hinging on your assinine behavior between the ages of 17 and 21.

Not to mention that I had several MAJOR crises during that period. First- I got cancer. Then we had family crises, a cousin was shot (police officer) and my dad's sister died of breast cancer. Then I left my church and my world and traded it in for this relationship with this guy who did nothing but use me for years and get me into drugs. AND did I mention that he was bi-polar and very irresponsible about it and refused to do anything to help himself. I totally put myself into his caretaker role, I know.

THEN after 26 years, my dad left my mom and remarried! Total upheaval! For all of this time! It's pretty amazing that my GPA wasn't worse.

I probably should have gone away to school. Hmmmm.... Oh well - can't unscramble eggs.

Anyway - I would really like to start looking at my options for this.

So what else is new?

I'm eating Thai Style Chicken for lunch. Can almost smell the heartburn.

Tonight is my big test. I researched the menu today and they have a grilled chicken with rice and steamed veggies dish that I suppose I will order. I've also decided that I will have a few chips - but no more than 5. I should be okay.

Let's see -not much to say for last night. I cooked chicken for dinner with tons of veggies for me and noodles and toast for Chad. We watched a little TV and then I did some aerobics. Tried to do this stupid Pilates 20/20 dvd but only ended up getting infuriated with it and shutting it off. I'll just follow the beat of my own drummer, thank you very much you skinny fucking bitch! (what i was thinking about the instructor on the video).

I'd like to see a video with someone who's more my size - or at least with people who are all different sizes in the exercise group (and NO I'm NOT going to start "sweatin to the oldies" any time soon) There's got to be something out there. I'll have to research it.

So - that's about all we did. No big news or anything.

And tonight- my test and then Harry Potter and then home. Should be fun.

I will update you tomorrow.

11:56 a.m. ::
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