Old Jeans

Well – I finally fit into my old jeans – the ones I’ve been trying on for the past few weekends. I wore them today for the first time in months in total comfort. Very very cool. Things are moving along.

So, let’s see… where to start? Oh last night. The wedding. It was the longest wedding I have ever been too. The full blown catholic thing – with communion served to all guests who wished to partake. It was kinda like mass with a wedding thrown in. I knew we were in trouble when they had chairs on stage for the bride and groom and the entire wedding party to sit in while the priest spoke. Very liturgical. Actually, it’s always nice to go to weddings with Chad and hold hands and hear the vows again. His ex-wife didn’t show, so we didn’t have that to worry about.

Then we went to the reception at the KC Hall. By that time, it was almost 8:30 and I hadn’t eaten since my 3:00 apple snack. AGH! I was very nervous because I was so famished. I had a small plate of jambalaya and white beans and then piled the rest of my plate with fruit – all of which I ate standing up because there was no where to sit. Very poorly planned. The room could only fit about 80 people comfortably and there were at least 200 trying to squeeze in – not to mention there were a million bratty kids running around and skipping people in line and wreaking havoc. It made me nervous. I had 3 inch heels on and was about to collapse. We left pretty early on. Chad was a little peeved at me for wanting to leave so soon and we had a mini fight about it in the car, but then things were okay. I told him – At least I left before the cake was cut – I never EVER used to do that. If the building was going down in flames I would be there waiting for my slice of cake.

So – we came home and watched Reagan’s funeral –very moving – and then went to bed. I woke up this morning and finished my book – Stardust by Neil Gaiman. Pretty good. Very Lord of the Rings-esque. Then I made breakfast for Chad and I kinda late- whole wheat pancakes (which I ate with honey). After breakfast Chad went to the gym and I did laundry and tidied up around the house.

I’ve been having so many revelations lately. I’ll share the one I had today, for I think it’s a pretty good one.

As you know, I’ve been delving into my psyche as much as possible lately to try and root out negative thoughts and find out why I think the way I do. I think I stumbled upon one more piece of the puzzle.

I was raised in the charismatic church. It’s not that I don’t believe what they believe anymore, but I do have many different opinions now that I am an adult and have lived life a little and for as long as I can remember, the body was considered the wicked, horrible, carnal “flesh” – full of lust and gluttony. I grew up with the knowledge that the body was something that couldn’t be trusted – something that could turn on you in any moment of weakness- something that had to be beaten and prayed into submission. The flesh – the flesh. It’s all I heard about in my college church group. The wicked horrible flesh – some horrific Mr. Hyde that surrounded our calmer, spirit Dr. Jekyll. After all it was the spirit that mattered – nothing more. Sure, sure our bodies were temples, thus drinking and smoking and drugs were out. And yes yes there is such a thing as gluttony – but surely that only means when you’re stealing the food out of someone else’s mouth, right?

Well – here was my grand conclusion – stay with me on this . . .

If the body is such a useless shell – such a wicked instrument of Satan that we have to wrestle into submission (this is not a new thought, mind you. Google 16th century monks self-flagellation for further details) – then why did Christ himself, have to give up his BODY as the ultimate sacrifice for sin? If there’s nothing to our outer selves, then why was the only priceless sacrifice worthy of payment of the so-called sin debt the BODY of a man? And why did Christ say, this is my BODY take and eat, this is my Blood- etc. etc.?

Makes one think.

Thus – I wholly accept that my body is all that I have on earth. It is the instrument with which I move and breathe and make a living for myself. It IS precious and it IS worth caring for. It is not a wicked thing working against me – it is working with me and for me. I mean – I know that I can’t take it with me when I die – but, you know what, up until the past month, I’ve treated a lot of other things I can’t take with me either much better than I treated my own body. THAT my friends, is the true sin.

Ok- so I’m getting off the soap box.

So – let’s see, Chad came back from the gym and we ventured out to do a little grocery shopping. Target first, where we picked up a few little necessaries. We’re going to do our major grocery shopping after he gets paid. Then we went to the Produce Market and loaded up on fruits and veggies. How I love the produce market! The colors and the smells – it makes me want to cry, because it’s so beautiful! I bought the most gorgeous yellow zucchini – which I had tonight with my dinner. Exquisite.

Then we went to several fish markets looking for mahi mahi but found none. We ended up at Sam’s and bought some fresh catfish which Chad grilled tonight for dinner and was excellent!!!

Anyway – so then after Sam’s we came home and hung out and then fixed dinner and here I am. Chad got a call from one of his California friends who happened to be in town so he’s going to hang out with him in New Orleans tonight. I guess that’s how I make it up to him for last night and him not being able to stay at the wedding and drink and party with his old work buddies who were there. I’m sure I’ll find something to do – there is the never-ending pile of laundry to tackle, as always.

I’m just sitting here thinking about how important perception is, when it comes to spirituality and thinking how if I went back to any of my old pastor’s and told them the way I think the church portrayed the body as being wicked and sinful they would scoff and try to tell me that they’d never said anything to that effect. There are a lot of different things like that – for instance, like the fact that for a long time, I thought that people who weren’t “Christians” weren’t capable of really loving anyone or anything. And I even heard that from the pulpit, once. I remember it. Can you imagine?

Well – that’s enough of all of that. Life is a great teacher.

7:53 p.m. ::
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