Wedding Story - part 1

November 08, 2004
So – the festivities.

Well – guess I should start on Wednesday – when I went to pick up my mom from the airport in New Orleans. After that, we HAD to go to Zea in Metairie – they have these roasted corn grits to KILL for. I know I have probably mentioned these grits MANY times before – so forgive me for going on and on.

Anyway – so we went to Zea for lunch and then walked around the Target next door for about an hour. Which reminds me of something – every time that I have a relatively large meal – I have a very strong urge to shop –but really I think it’s that I know I need to exercise in some way – and so my body tricks my mind into thinking of shopping – when really it’s just that I need to walk. Very cool – I think. Thank you mind-body-shopwalk connection!

So – I get this semi-frantic call from my sister when we are leaving Target at about 3 or so saying that she just loooves the fact that I am out playing around while she is WORKING HER ASS OFF mere days before her wedding. So I’m like – what are you talking about? She then announces that they have to be moved into their new apartment TODAY! Mind you –she didn’t tell me anything about this. Apparently the only people that knew were her, Joey, my dad and stepmom and my grandparents. So she’s like – Ya’ll need to come over here NOW and help us and blah blah wah wah.

Ok then.

So I zoom over there and my stepmom and Jessie burst out of the apartment panting and going on and on about how EXHAUSTED they are and how they’ve been working NONSTOP since the early am and how Joey has only rented the UHaul until 8pm and is trying to move every stick of furniture they have by himself down a flight of stairs . . . (Cue sorrowful violin music.)

So I’m all – HOW is anyone supposed to help you when you don’t ask for it? Which gets me to thinking about how she hasn’t really asked for help much at all – which has led to various disasters throughout the process – such as the fact that only 3 and a half weeks ago the entire reception menu consisted of “chicken wings, I suppose.” Anyway – so we try to help but things are chaos. My mom decides to enlist my uncle’s support in all of this and that seems to calm things.

Anyway – so we’re all standing around outside and we’re watching this squirrel frolic on the rooftop and then my stepmom makes some comment about this squirrel she saw once that had the biggest nuts she’d ever seen and “they weren’t in his mouth either, heh heh.”

My mother doesn’t take to this kind of humor too well.

By the time we got into the car – her eyes were rolling like dice at a craps table. “That woman gets on my nerves.”

Sigh. Here we go.

My mom then proceeded to go on and on about how she felt my stepmom was trying to control things and how Jessica should set up her own damn apartment the way she wants to and why in the hell are they making her feel like she has to have all of the apartment stuff done and set up 3 days before the wedding – I mean, is her daughter going to end up in traction going down the aisle?

We head to my Aunt Mary’s in Baker – hereafter called Mamie- because that’s what I’ve called her since childhood.

So Mom and Mamie hash out the previous scenario complete with “and listen to this comment she made about a squirrel’s testicles.”


Anyway – at some point we ended up at Walmart- oh yeah – to get the turkey supplies. Chad was injecting and frying 3 turkeys that we would then carve up and serve on precious little buns with my own special Savory Cranberry Walnut Compote. Anyway – I go home exhausted.

The next day we shop for the food. Of course- that morning we have to have the marathon of phone calls between my stepmom and my Mom. And me relaying various messages in between. I won’t go into it too much –but needless to say – at some point I had to scold my mother and remind her that this was Jessica’s time and that I wasn’t going to be put in the middle of all of this and if Jessica got wind of animosity she’d be very hurt and upset and “can’t we all just get along?”

It seemed to work.

So we shopped at Sam’s – the worldwind shopping trip. Ooh – which reminds me. They had Betula Birkenstocks there for NINE DOLLARS!!! Granted – they were white – but . . . so my mom and sis and I each got a pair. I LOVE THEM!!! I’ve never owned real ones – always the Wal-mart knock-offs- but they are heaven. I am totally hooked. I told Chad that he MUST get some too and that we can be a Birkenstock family. Then Chad went into a spiel about how I obsessively want people to like things that I like and why am I like that? I don’t know, I reply. I’ve always kind of been that way. Hmmm – what does it mean?

Ok- so Sam’s and then we went to the church to unpack the stuff and then at some point I know I went home- oh yeah – because Chad’s parents were at my house and Chad’s dad was frying the turkeys because Chad had to work later.

On the way home, I get this call from my mom saying “You’ll never GUESS who the desk clerk is at our hotel!”

Turns out it was an ex-boyfriend of mine.

Anyway – need to go now – will continue this later.

1:35 p.m. ::
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