Horrific Ponytail Hair

November 15, 2004
I have horrific ponytail hair today. More specifically, GREASY horrific ponytail hair. I look like the lead singer of Extreme in the �More Than Words� video. NOT a good look for me.

Ah hair. Such an interesting topic. When a woman�s hair is not up to par, it can ruin an entire day, month, year � you name it. As a matter of fact � I had an entire BAD HAIR YEAR! That might be a good title for my memoir.

�This year�s runaway best seller is the hilarious and heart-wrenching memoir of a young girl�s battle with cancer and the ups and downs (yes- there are downs) of recovery and remission. Go out and buy your copy of �Bad Hair Year� today! � New York Times Book Review�

Actually I was thinking of calling it � �Ginger Ails.� And then I would write a subsequent memoir about my spiral into depression, drugs and just all-out craziness called �Ginger Snaps� And then after I have kids �Ginger Bred.� Ok � too cutesy, huh? Actually, I even had an idea for cover art � a gingerbread cookie hooked up to chemo and wearing a wig for �Ginger Ails� and that same cookie in pieces for �Ginger Snaps�. And then that cookie with little cookies for �Ginger Bred.� Actually � I need to do something soon. I ain�t getting any younger folks. I need to make a goal. A goal of having at least 500 pages by my 30th birthday. That�s next August. I think I could do it. Then again � there are all of these fears. I mean �who the hell is going to want to read about some dumb girl from Louisiana? Who cares, really? If I was famous, maybe. But why would anyone want to keep up with the trials and travails of this nobody from Brusly? Well � I suppose Erma Bombeck had to start somewhere. She was funny and normal first - then famous. Of course, I�m thinking that these days, funny women writing funny things about their funny lives are a dime a dozen. Or maybe I�m misperceiving this.

Well � the good news is that I did begin work on Ginger Ails/Bad Hair Year already. I just have a hard time dragging things out into book length because, frankly, they just seem �dragged out� when you read them. And I hate that.

Hmmm � I don�t know.

I�m debating on whether or not to go on and on about the entire weekend in miniscule detail about how we went to Cristiano�s again and stuffed ourselves silly and then how I went to Chalmette with my Aunt Mary to my cousin (in-law�s) baby shower where I overhead phrases like �And then I said �YOU�RE NOT PUTTING MY BOOB IN A VICE, MISTER�� and �HEY � Don�t eat that! That�s Mama�s lucky bean! Put that back in my change purse!� and the lovely �I tell you what, he would be one dead doctor is all I�m saying!� Imagine this in accents that sound much like a Brooklyn/Jersey kind of accent. They say �huh� instead of �her.� Anyway � and then how we went to the most ghetto Marshalls ever (because I like to go to Marshalls in other towns) but how I ended up getting a Tommy Hilfiger 400 THREAD COUNT fitted sheet for $16.99 (original price $60!!!). And then how we went to church and then said our goodbyes and Chad left for Phoenix for a week of training (which, by the way, we specifically prayed for and he had no idea that he was going to be doing this so soon) and then how I shopped myself sick for hours and hours and then how we had tacos at Jessie and Joey�s new apartment and then how I went home and went to bed, didn�t set the alarm correctly, woke up at ten til 7:00 (have to leave at 7:15) and so made the disgusting decision to come to work in the hair that hasn�t been washed since Saturday morning (UGH!) which all leads up to this whole hair discussion.

Whew!

I guess that about covered it.

10:47 a.m. ::
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