Deadly Sin

January 05, 2005

So – as I was saying about being attached to things . . .

I came face to with what I’m going to call my “latest vice realization” during our holiday trip to Minnesota.


It all started when we got that insurance claim for $500. My eyes were suddenly as wide as saucers and if my life were a cartoon – money bags would have appeared within my baby browns and the sound of a cash register bell would have chimed. CHA-CHING!

I could not get out to shop fast enough. I spent three hours at Target- exhausting the aisles, thinking of that “one more thing I needed to check on” over and over again. Chad and my mother dragged behind me drained and irritated, but greed boiled in my veins, churned in my guts and pushed me onward.

This is free money, people! – I cried out

After Target, I was still raring to go. I wanted the mall! So we went to the smaller one near their house and we shopped more. My eyes darted all over the place and my heart pounded. And it wasn’t that I wanted to buy just anything – but EVERYTHING! And then I noticed that it was more about quantity than quality. I bought three pairs of crappy velour jogging pants in three different colors because they were $3.84 a pair and because I couldn’t resist the ecstatic visions of me telling people “GUESS how much I paid for these?!?” All of my purchases were deals. All of them were on sale.

Chad became increasingly irritated. He insisted on a $40 polo shirt (which was the sale price). We argued over the fact that he could probably get 3 shirts on sale that were just as good – just missing a little embroidered polo player – if he would just let me shop for him. He refused. He wanted quality.

But the very depths of my depravity was yet to come.

That night as we were hanging out at my Mom’s – I caught myself doing something terrible. I was looking around the house and I noticed that I was putting mental check marks on “items that I’d like to have someday” such as the antique telephone, etc.

Isn’t that sick???

The sickness spilled over into my eating as well. I told Chad that I felt like all of the sudden my belly was a bottomless pit.

The whirlwind trip to the Mall of America was no better. I was once again crazed with the desire to accumulate.

That night – I realized my problem. The greed. About 20 minutes later, Chad says to me – You know what your problem is - you’re full of greed.

How’s that for a one-flesh connection? Lately when we have moments like that – we’ll clink our wedding bands together in a show of power. This moment wasn’t so joyous, though.

By our second to last day, I was sick of myself. I went to the mall (again) and bought something for Chad to sort of psyche myself out of things.

So – I’m dealing with it. I was glad to recognize it.

2:53 p.m. ::
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