The Return of the Horrific Ponytail Hair

January 11, 2005
It’s baaack!

Long story short – woke up too late to wash it. And you know it was already a disaster by the time I got into bed last night.

Anyway – so I’m here in the ponytail. I feel so white trash right now – I can barely stand it. Georgi and I are supposed to go to the movies, etc tonight – but I’m thinking that I can’t be seen in public like this.

For one thing – although I’ve been told I have such a “pretty face” (considering the rest of me is a big blob of lard), and you can see said face better with the ponytail – a tiny head atop a mammoth body is not a good look on anyone – much less me. And NO I’m not one of these women who thinks that my hair should “balance my body.” If that were the case – I’d look like an electrocuted white Chaka Khan. “Yeah I’m every woman, it’s all in me. It meaning every pastry I ever laid eyes on . . .”

But seriously – I feel naked in this ponytail. I can literally feel my neck cringing. I swear to you – if we could just adopt the burka as our main fashion – I would be all set!

Actually – you know what I kind of look like – since I tend to wear a good bit of make-up anyway? I look like one of those Robert Palmer (God rest his soul) backup girls whose career is all washed up, has gained a hundred pounds, yet still insists on that “slick” look.

In other woes: my tooth hurts. It’s a porcelain crown – thus that means that whatever horrific little stump I have under there is in some sort of distress. This is not good. Although . . . Waaaaaaait a minute – I’m hatching something.

Since my boss is gone – I could leave work for the day with the legitimate excuse of going to the dentist to see about the tooth, go home, wash my hair and meet Georgi out later.

Dammit – now what is my dentist’s name??? Ooh – I know. I’ll email Karen.

You know what – this is so sick. I am so ridiculously vain that I would rather go to the dentist and experience that hell than stick it out here and go to the movies with dirty hair.

I need so much help.

1:53 p.m. ::
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