The Dog Ate My Groundwork

January 24, 2005
Well, when the dog can be blamed, why not?

So here’s the deal. This morning, I wake up and I’m like – okay, time to get your mind right with your body and your health. Yes, yes, I know… it’s a little cliché for a Monday morning, but I wasn’t really making that Monday connection in my head, thankyouverymuch.

After getting out of the shower and attempting to wrap myself in a towel (which is akin to pulling off too little foil to cover the cobbler pan, if you know what I mean), I am creeping across the bedroom to go back to my room when my toe stubs on something.


I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned Mr. B’s blankie? It’s a king-sized blackwatch plaid down comforter that used to reside on Chad’s bed in his bachelor pad. In fact, you can see him swaddled in it here. Anyway – Mr. B adores this thing – but he has a tendency to spread it out. And I mean really spread the thing out. So, he had managed to spread it so far out that it was covering . . .


Which is what my toe stubbed on. And then I began to wag a finger at him, as he poked his head up from under his burrow to see what his mother was “owing” about.

“Shame on you, Mister. You’ve buried the scale and ruined Mommie’s groundwork. Now she’s going have to step on this sucker and see just what kind of damage has been done.”

Okay so I’ve decided that I’m going to tell the public what I weigh. Let me just get this over with.

Wait a tic . . .

I know what would make it better. What if I gave it in roman numerals?

My GOD what is the deal with this whole number business?!?! Why?!?!

Ok- perhaps I should get one of those weight tickers like Fatqueen has.

Okay – I’ll just say it.


That’s what I weighed this morning. So Queen, you and I are on the same step, here. Isn’t that a coincidence?

Okay – now, at the time of the Pistachio Nightmare, I weighed . . . .

GULP . . .

300 pounds.


Can’t believe I have just admitted this! I guess it is a bit of weight off my shoulders. Not any weight off the scale, mind you.

So I’m 16 pounds away from that disaster. AND I’d lost almost 30, right?

Well – only one thing to do. Start trying to “bring up my average.”

So far so good – Had cup of coffee with splenda and small bagel with peanut butter. And I don’t care what anyone has to say about peanut butter being fattening, because it’s full of protein (which is great for hypoglycemics) and does a great job of making you feel full.

AND, as I have said in the past, I’ll be DEAD before I became an anti-carb crazed ATKINS ASS!

9:37 a.m. ::
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