The Dog Ate My Groundwork
So here�s the deal. This morning, I wake up and I�m like � okay, time to get your mind right with your body and your health. Yes, yes, I know� it�s a little clich� for a Monday morning, but I wasn�t really making that Monday connection in my head, thankyouverymuch.
After getting out of the shower and attempting to wrap myself in a towel (which is akin to pulling off too little foil to cover the cobbler pan, if you know what I mean), I am creeping across the bedroom to go back to my room when my toe stubs on something.
OW!
I don�t know if I�ve ever mentioned Mr. B�s blankie? It�s a king-sized blackwatch plaid down comforter that used to reside on Chad�s bed in his bachelor pad. In fact, you can see him swaddled in it here. Anyway � Mr. B adores this thing � but he has a tendency to spread it out. And I mean really spread the thing out. So, he had managed to spread it so far out that it was covering . . .
THE SCALE.
Which is what my toe stubbed on. And then I began to wag a finger at him, as he poked his head up from under his burrow to see what his mother was �owing� about.
�Shame on you, Mister. You�ve buried the scale and ruined Mommie�s groundwork. Now she�s going have to step on this sucker and see just what kind of damage has been done.�
Okay so I�ve decided that I�m going to tell the public what I weigh. Let me just get this over with.
Wait a tic . . .
I know what would make it better. What if I gave it in roman numerals?
My GOD what is the deal with this whole number business?!?! Why?!?!
Ok- perhaps I should get one of those weight tickers like Fatqueen has.
Okay � I�ll just say it.
284.
That�s what I weighed this morning. So Queen, you and I are on the same step, here. Isn�t that a coincidence?
Okay � now, at the time of the Pistachio Nightmare, I weighed . . . .
GULP . . .
300 pounds.
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Can�t believe I have just admitted this! I guess it is a bit of weight off my shoulders. Not any weight off the scale, mind you.
So I�m 16 pounds away from that disaster. AND I�d lost almost 30, right?
Well � only one thing to do. Start trying to �bring up my average.�
So far so good � Had cup of coffee with splenda and small bagel with peanut butter. And I don�t care what anyone has to say about peanut butter being fattening, because it�s full of protein (which is great for hypoglycemics) and does a great job of making you feel full.
AND, as I have said in the past, I�ll be DEAD before I became an anti-carb crazed ATKINS ASS!
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