Prelude a L�enfant
Five seconds of silence.
HACK HACK HACK HACK GAG
These were the sounds in my bedroom last night, care of Mr. B.
I tried snuggling him. I tried stroking his back when he coughed. I tried to peer in his throat (sadly, he did not appreciate me trying to use my finger as a tongue depressor and immediately went into a fit of coughing). I considered spraying his throat with cloraseptic, but we didn�t have any. I wondered if he�d suck a lozenge � nah he�d probably chew it. Vicks? Visions of greasy little wiener dog chest stains on the leather furniture filled my exhausted mind. (These are the kind of thoughts one thinks when it�s 3:35 am and you�re desperate to help your damn dog.)
I ended up having an intimate conversation with the guy they�ve got answering the emergency line at our local pet hospital. I think his name was Sean.
�Just listen to this Sean.�
I put the phone up to Mr. B�s snout. He blinked in disbelief, yawned and put his head back down on the pillow. No hacking. Not one gag.
Long story short � I ended up having to imitate the sound that B was emitting. I was placed on hold, presumably so Sean could laugh his ass off.
�Ma�am, if he�s not vomited and seems to be breathing okay then I think you could bring him in tomorrow morning.�
�Uh �you mean, this morning, eh, Sean.�
�Oh yeah � � (laughs)
�But what about my sleep, Sean?� - I whispered, in my delirium.
�Have you considered taking something?�
�I�ve got to get up for work in 2 and a half hours! I�ll never get up if I take something.�
�Do you have something mild? Warm milk?�
At this point, the hacking begins again.
�DID YOU HEAR THAT, SEAN???�
Silence.
�Sean?�
�Oh � um � yeah. Yeah � sounds pretty annoying.�
Great. So he admits it�s annoying.
�Well, Sean, I�m going to hang up now� I say. �Thanks for your advice.�
It was at this point that I realized that, if I become impregnated and eventually give birth, this is what I can expect. Only it will sound more like this:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH WAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
2 second pause for a breath.
WAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
Am I ready for this? Is any woman ever ready for this?
I�m thinking � no.
As far as Mr. B goes � since Chad will be home at 1:00 (he�s been in DC all week) I�m going to get him to check his progress and possibly take him to the vet again. Hopefully the pills will start working today.