From Here to Maternity
The first Dr�s appointment isn�t until April 15th. I was a bit disappointed, but the nurse assured me that this is standard and that they usually wait until you are 8 weeks along. I probably kept her on the phone for at least 20 minutes � asking all manner of questions �telling her that I take prozac and thyroid pills � is that okay? � that I had cancer with radiation and chemo 9 years ago � what about that? That I am quite overweight. That I like the BeeGees � will that harm the baby? Will Simon Cowell�s voice bring on premature labor?
Anything you can think of.
I�m expecting myself to feel more emotional but somehow I feel less. Does that make any sense? I can remember months ago when I thought I might be pregnant going to Target and bursting with joy and several tears over a bib with a tiny brown bunny appliqu�. Then I came home and played Elton John�s �Blessed� on the piano and wept quietly.
Well I went to Target the other night and looked at all the baby stuff and felt some excitement but it was like I was holding back. Same thing with EJ�s �Blessed.� Played it last night and shed not one tear
I think it�s because there�s something in me (other than this embryo) that�s protecting my emotions. ME? PROTECTING EMOTIONS?? Who would have thought?
Actually � it�s most likely the prozac � which was deemed safe by my doctor.
I do know that because so many terrible things have happened to me in life, it�s given me a special kind of outlook on most life situations. And it�s not that I�ve got these tiny prophets of doom on both shoulders, but I just know what can happen and what has happened. And I�m okay. It�s actually freeing when you make the decision to accept whatever happens � good or bad.
Anyway � feeling great.
Food TASTES SO GOOD!!!! It�s like being stoned all the time without the heavy eyelids and goofy grins. That�s the best way I can describe it. AND I HAVEN�T SMOKED POT NOW IN FOUR YEARS!!! In case you were worried.
The constipation is horrific. I�m wondering if I can eat the poop candy (sugar free Russell stovers)?
Oh and I�ve been kicked out of weight watchers. But I�m still eating healthy � though a bit more heartily. Haven�t had any weird cravings.
Well that�s all for now.
More later.
