Friday Flashback: Horrific School Portraits

June 10, 2005
For this Friday Flashback, I’ve decided to take the lazy way out and do a “photo” entry. But I promise it won’t be disappointing. This week I’ll be showcasing nasty school pictures of myself. Some are missing – don’t know why- probably because we were too poor to order the package that year (sniffle).

In any case – I give you – Ginger: The Very, Very Awkward Years

Ahhhh kindergarten!!! Isn’t this little snarling pixie just a welcome addition into any parent’s wallet? My GOD! You see – that summer before I started school I had this glorious long hair and right around August, my mother convinced me to let her cut it all off into this Dorothy Hammill coiffeur of shame. And it appears that the horrific teeth are starting to make their entrance.

First grade. Here we have the horrific teeth!!! And it appears that the Dorothy Hammill is not growing out fast enough (especially since my mother keeps chopping it up). I remember that dress. I liked that dress.

NO PHOTO - 2nd grade must have been the poor year.

3rd grade – the famous “hair gap” photo. I actually think I colored in the gap with a brown marker on a few of these. The horrific teeth are in their full glory in this photo. I so need make-up and a brow waxing at this point.

4th grade – Okay the hair is better here. It’s more “Early Years on Who’s the Boss Alyssa Milano” which is probably what I was going for. Notice how I’m trying to morph my smile into one that will better cover the fucked up grill.

4th grade Spring Portrait - we must have been rolling in the money that year! Ah the lovely gigantic wicker throne photo of yore!!! Nothing makes a 10 year old feel more regal than a giant wicker throne! Sadly, 80s photography could never capture the full neon magic of that top. Oh and notice how at this stage in my teeth, I’ve been teased to the point of the “closed-mouth smile”

5th grade – the Perm years. This was the fall after my first home perm. Is it just me, or was my mother trying to live out some sort of vicarious hair experiment on my head? Oh and notice that the bangs are in the pupa stage of the towering Jersey disaster they will become in a few years.

I don’t have sixth grade scanned in – but I can tell you that, in true motherly fashion, she convinced me to CUT IT ALL OFF the summer before school. So imagine that same plain little face instead of Bob Saget’s below – I swear it looked exactly like that.

NO PHOTO -I also don’t have a 7th grade one. I guess that was a poor year too.

And here’s the lovely 8th grade shot. Wearing makeup now. Good thing. The bangs are evolving. The hair has been died through the use of sun-in. I don’t know about this hand on the chin thing, though.

Anyway – and that’s all for now. After this one, I wasn’t really as awkward anymore – I became the “Freshman Goddess” or whatever.

You know – I said this was going to be “lazy entry” but this was pretty hard to put together.

Tata for now. Have a great weekend!!!

10:27 a.m. ::
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