Friday Flashback: Hey Little Sister, Shotgun . . .

June 24, 2005
Okay – since I wrote about J$ last week and since my mother drilled into our heads “INCLUDE YOUR SISTER” from day one – I’ll write a little piece about the girl.

First, I must say that yesterday was the anniversary of our first meeting (i.e., her birthday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DUDE!). TWENTY-FOUR years ago we were introduced. I can hardly believe that!

I remember wanting a sister when my mom was pregnant. I was 5 at the time. And then, she popped out in late June. Screaming her head off.

She’s never stopped screaming her head off. (Now those screams sound more like: “JOEY! JO - EEE!”)

This child was the screaming-est kid you could ever find. My GOD! I used to say that the local fire engine could replace their siren with her – just strap her to the hood holding her favorite doll and then snatch it away when they got a call to go out.

Okay – so that’s cruel I guess.

We shared a room until we were 24 and 20 respectively. Can you believe that? And for MANY years – we shared a bed. I guess that can make for some tension. She was always getting into my clothes, my makeup, my earrings, my STUFF. But I digress . . .

Anyway - she had pronunciation problems as a kid – couldn’t say her “Fs” to save her life – so instead she’d say

“Mama, I think I got a pever. I feel sick.”


“Mama – I ran on the hot road and my peets hurt.”

The funniest was probably this one – usually overhead at McDonald’s:

“MAMA! Jimbo stole some of my PENCH PIES!”

Now that I think about it – it was the things that came out of that child’s mouth that made her a funny kid. Jimbo quietly did silly things – but she spoke her folly.

Once, when “Rich Uncle Jim from Boston” was in town, he gave my brother a fat wad of cash. Looking back, it was probably $20 in ones, but to a kid . . . (Might I add he was famous for this – doling out money to get a kid to shut up, or if he saw you crying, or if he thought you needed a haircut – Here’s $40 kid. Get your hair cut.)

So we were at home and my brother was flashing the cash around – waving it in my sister’s face and saying “heh heh I got money and youou didn’t”

Now he’s doing this subtly and quietly – the way he did most things. He would instigate and then my sister would SCREAM her reaction.

So she finally has had enough and screams:

“Well why don’t you just go buy a CONDOM and live in it?!?”

Now he knew what a condom was – but she apparently didn’t know the difference between that and a condo. So he’s all “Oooooooooh! I’m tellin!”

Anyway – she did actually “do” and not say a few funny things in her older age – much like Boo and his BB Bobo.

We decided to move into an apartment together – even after all those years of room-sharing – when I was 25 and she, 21. Those were some interesting times – the “learning” years.

There was the time I picked up a tiny doll’s striped sweater in the laundry and said “hey, where did this doll sweater come from” only to realize that it was MY NEW WOOL SWEATER that had been washed in HOT WATER and reduced to fetal size.

Ooops. My bad. she would say.

We had the ultimate Lucy and Ethel moment one night when she decided to put Dawn liquid into the dishwasher.

Seems harmless enough . . .

Some time later, I heard a scream from downstairs and rushed down to see a WALL of SUDS oozing out of the kitchen and into the dining area.


“It’s the soap!!! HELP ME!”

So instead of having our own “foam disco party” like any cool coeds would do – we attacked the mass of foam with a broom and a shovel. We opened the back door in the kitchen and began sweeping the shit into our little yard. Giant clouds of suds flew in all directions. I’m pretty sure both of us slipped and busted our asses at least twice during the event.

I think the whole complex was laughing at us.
I have a fuzzy memory of something catching on fire – but for some reason – I can’t seem to remember details. Must have been drunk.

And now she’s all growns up and married to Joey (who’s quite a funny guy himself, but I wouldn’t dare disclose any of his Michael Jackson-obsessed ways in this blog. No sir. Not me.)

In the end, I am glad you were born. Not having another female in this whole family adventure just wouldn’t have been as fun.

Please babysit the Beanie. PLEASE?!?

This photo was also taken at Christmas 2002 – just like the one I have with the J$.

10:36 a.m. ::
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