Would Be So Much Finer if it Weren’t For My Vagina

June 28, 2005
I really tried to do the “I am from” meme that Kjersten tagged me to do– but I just couldn’t. I just couldn’t think of anything but these STABBING VAGINAL PAINS!!!!


Honestly, it would have looked like this:

I am from stabbing vaginal pains, of the stabbing variety in the vaginal regions.

Anyway – apparently SVP is just another fun part of becoming a mother. The silly and sad thing is that these little jabs come at awkward and inopportune moments.

Case in point - I am flip-flopping and waddling to the bathroom yesterday – and as I’m going through the lobby where a very well-dressed man is seated, waiting for some meeting, I freeze and scream aloud. And said man jumps and stares at me. And I grimace and waddle on.

Not pretty.

I mean, you can’t very well say to a total stranger –

Oh don’t mind me. It was just my vagina. Stabbing me from the inside!

Anycrap . . .

I did call the doctor and they told me it was just “ligaments.”

I personally think that my ligaments are inherently cruel. I think that they’ve been saving up for this for years now. I think Adolph Hitler and Benito Mussolini have been reincarnated as these ligaments.

What in the hell does a ligament look like anyway? Let’s see, shall we?

Someone crudely drew it this way –

Interesting. I see the vagina – no ligaments labeled around there. I see other ligaments.

Let’s take a closer look shall we?

WELL that explains it!


In other news of late . . .

Cooked a delicious dinner last night, the infamous crockpot roast – Jimbo came over and stayed again.

Sara is supposed to be fixing my toenail this afternoon. She’s going to cover it with something and seal it so it will grow out. I’ve gotten opposition on this idea from both Georgi and Wendy – screaming “It won’t be able to breathe! It won’t heal! It will get infected! You’ll lose your toe! WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!”

Sara’s supposedly done this a million times . . . so – I don’t know.

I mean – here’s the deal –

I have to go to a conference next week in Austin. I mean – can I honestly be flip-flopping around with this giant gauze-wrapped toe??? What if they take us to dinner at a nice place? If I get this fix – it will look like a whole and perfect painted toenail.

I mean – who knows how long this is going to take to grow out. And I’m certainly not leaving it UNCOVERED to snag on something and rip the whole damn thing off!

Look – here’s a crude drawing of what we’re dealing with:

If ONLY it hadn’t broken so far down!!!

Well – that’s about alls I got for today. Sorry to whine so much but - you know . . .

12:44 p.m. ::
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