What Do I Think This Is? Mexico?!?

July 13, 2005
I have a tooth problem.

(Pause so you can imagine ALL the lovely ramifications of being pregnant with a tooth problem.)

I discovered this last week on the plane, when a sip of my complimentary cold beverage felt like Id been stun-gunned on the left side of my face.

Not good.

Well, yesterday I ventured out to a new dentist on my plan because I certainly wasnt going back to Copay Whore.

First, let me say, that in order to schedule a damn appointment I practically had to get a note from the President of the United States. I mean hello!!! Ive seen that lead vest you have in there, Mr. Dentist! Howz about using it? My tooth problem has nothing to do with my vagina! Its not like Im asking you to work on the tiny teeth of my unborn child.

So I go to this guy and they drape me in lead and take xrays. (Well first they gag me with that damn xray device of torture.) Anyway so the guy comes in, bangs on the tooth with a sharp metal object, looks at the xray, says it has the beginnings of an abscess and says he thinks it needs a root canal. (Of course there must be some sort of secret APB out on every damn tooth root in my head and only the dentists on my health plan know about it.)

So when I ask So when can we do this?

I get Oh, I cant do it. You have to see a specialist. You must see an endodontist. Youre pregnant.

Well long story short. The endodontists in this town are like the damn mafia. There are three of them and they basically write their own ticket. They dont take insurance and they laugh when you ask them if they accept your raggedy-assed dental discount plan. Theyre all We know were the only game in town. We know youve got no choice. That will be ELEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS!

Yes thats right. That was my estimate. No payment plans. No American express acceptance (our one credit card.)

Well I did what any 21 weeks pregnant (today as a matter of fact) woman would do. I burst into tears. And I cried for, oh, about 2 hours.

Sooooooooooo I went through this entire range of emotions. Should I wait it out? Should I take antibiotics? Should I have the damn thing pulled and just walk around with gap face? What if it gets severely infected? What if the infection gets into my bloodstream?

Of course, we all know where these questions lead. They all lead to the one horrific possibility.


This is the bottom line to every train of thought Ive had on just about everything.

Anyway I decided to start frantically calling the regular old dentists on my plan provider list and lo and behold the first one I called didnt have any problems with working on a pregnant woman.

My new estimate - $535

WOOHOO!!! I was all in celebratory mode until I realized that $535 is still a shitload of money.

Guess how much it would cost to just yank the bitch?

Try 29 Bucks.

Oh well whats a girl to do? Guess Ill fork over the money for the work.

You know, its not like Im in Mexico where you can get a root canal and some horrific foreign infection for under $100.

12:56 p.m. ::
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