From Here to Maternity

March 25, 2005
Well, I guess I should give you an update.

The first Drís appointment isnít until April 15th. I was a bit disappointed, but the nurse assured me that this is standard and that they usually wait until you are 8 weeks along. I probably kept her on the phone for at least 20 minutes Ė asking all manner of questions Ėtelling her that I take prozac and thyroid pills Ė is that okay? Ė that I had cancer with radiation and chemo 9 years ago Ė what about that? That I am quite overweight. That I like the BeeGees Ė will that harm the baby? Will Simon Cowellís voice bring on premature labor?

Anything you can think of.

Iím expecting myself to feel more emotional but somehow I feel less. Does that make any sense? I can remember months ago when I thought I might be pregnant going to Target and bursting with joy and several tears over a bib with a tiny brown bunny appliquť. Then I came home and played Elton Johnís ďBlessedĒ on the piano and wept quietly.

Well I went to Target the other night and looked at all the baby stuff and felt some excitement but it was like I was holding back. Same thing with EJís ďBlessed.Ē Played it last night and shed not one tear

I think itís because thereís something in me (other than this embryo) thatís protecting my emotions. ME? PROTECTING EMOTIONS?? Who would have thought?

Actually Ė itís most likely the prozac Ė which was deemed safe by my doctor.

I do know that because so many terrible things have happened to me in life, itís given me a special kind of outlook on most life situations. And itís not that Iíve got these tiny prophets of doom on both shoulders, but I just know what can happen and what has happened. And Iím okay. Itís actually freeing when you make the decision to accept whatever happens Ė good or bad.

Anyway Ė feeling great.

Food TASTES SO GOOD!!!! Itís like being stoned all the time without the heavy eyelids and goofy grins. Thatís the best way I can describe it. AND I HAVENíT SMOKED POT NOW IN FOUR YEARS!!! In case you were worried.

The constipation is horrific. Iím wondering if I can eat the poop candy (sugar free Russell stovers)?

Oh and Iíve been kicked out of weight watchers. But Iím still eating healthy Ė though a bit more heartily. Havenít had any weird cravings.

Well thatís all for now.
More later.

7:51 a.m. ::
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