Friday Flashback: Red Beans and Vice

September 16, 2005
You know – I said this to Wendy the other day and she totally agreed. Just because someone is a Katrina evacuee and has lost everything doesn’t mean that they still aren’t a.) an asshole or b.) crazy.

I won’t go into too many details here, but I will say that one of our displaced “employees” from New Orleans came to volunteer at our building and well – the dude was just batshit crazy. And I kept wanting to tell him that we really appreciated his efforts but to please just get the hell out – in a nice way of course, but I couldn’t.

And then I remembered why.

I don’t know if I ever mentioned that I worked at a bakery my last semester of college. (Yeah – I know, it’s the equivalent of Snoop Dogg working for a Marijuana Factory).

Well – there was this one dude that worked there that was a little off. He swept floors mostly – talked to himself – asked people crazy questions, the usual. (He used to ask this young guy who worked there every single day in a hoarse whisper – “Hhhhey man? Uh uh uh – do you beat yo meat?”) Totally not kidding.

Anyway – so one day I had taken my lunch break in the back. I had brought a little container of red beans and rice and corn bread. And I was sitting on the back counter eating when he came in sweeping.

“Ooooooh! That red beans and rice?”

“Um – yep” I said, smiling –acting normal.

Then he starts jumping around.

“Gimme some! Gimme some!”

So I’m all – “Uh sorry dude – I just brought the one container.”

So then he rushes over and attempts to literally take some with his hand.

So I grab my stuff, put it behind me to shield it and scream “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!”

Well – all hell breaks loose. He starts tearing the place apart and screaming “I WILL KILL YOU BITCH! I WILL KILL YOU!”

He was fired about an hour later – but I tell you – I was completely freaked out for at least a month – thinking he was literally going to hunt me down and kill me.

And so – before I told nutjob volunteer anything the other day – I had a flashback to that moment of sheer terror when I set off a crazy and I kept my mouth shut.

No offense to anyone who’s crazy or anything.

(Please don’t threaten to kill me!)

11:03 a.m. ::
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