Nighmares and More

Well - just sitting here at work waiting for the bell to ring. Actually, I was going to leave early because I have a ton of comp time I need to take, but I have to wait for Dr. P to call me back. She's in Denver and they're supposed to break for coffee any minute now. Anyway - hopefull she'll call so I can get the fuck out of dodge and go to Sam's.

So - last night I had the most horrific series of nightmares I think I ever had. Full of rape and child murder and awful things. My brother and sister were children again and my little sister got raped. It was horrific. My brother was hiding under the bed crying and I was watching all of this, but it was like I was a ghost.

Then, there were piles of bodies and blood and my stepfather was the one responsible. He was this child killer. Anyway - it was terrible. In the dream, my mom was devastated and she kept saying, you think you know somebody. And apparently she had had other children with him and he had killed them all - so the three of us were all she had left. We were laying on the flooring all sobbing in this heap throughout the dream. I woke up all throughout the night in a state of terror. That's the second night in a row I've had a very negative dream about my mom. Yesterday while taking my nap, I dreamt that my mom had stopped wearing makeup and starting wearing these little glasses and dowdy clothes - and she stopped dying her hair blonde and had totally given herself over to the whole "midwestern" thing. She was very cold and distant. We ran into her in a grocery store in Baton Rouge, my brother and I, and she hadn't told us she was coming into town. Just slipped her mind. And she was staying at some hotel just hanging around - visiting friends. We were so angry and freaked out.

I don't know what the deal is with that, but it certainly does color a person's day quite gray.

Anywho- i met Clay for lunch at Serop's express where he told me about all of his recent indiscretions with women. Good lord! Always interesting to hear though. We had a nice lunch.

Well - if she doesn't call in like- three minutes, i'm outty.

3:17 p.m. ::
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