Obese Navidad

December 27, 2004
Would someone please wake me when I’m thin?

Good grief – what an exorbitant food extravaganza the last few days have been. I can’t even begin to imagine how many calories I’ve consumed. It’s in the hundreds of thousands I assure you.

Much to my chagrin – I’ve packed on an additional four pounds as of yesterday morning – giving me a total of eight gained back from my previous victorious loss. Apparently, all eight pounds are residing in a spare tire area around my stomach and hips. Thus- when I tried to buy jeans (of all things!) yesterday – I could only fit into a size 26!!!!

You heard me right –a 26, people!

Even 20 plus pounds ago – my lower body had never graced such a number before. Naturally, I wasn’t buying pants at that period –but my 24s still fit – if a bit snugly. It’s just the stigma of it all I suppose. I mean, I could button the 24s – I couldn’t breathe, mind you and my face was turning purple – but I could button them. I reasoned with myself for about 10 minutes. I said- I’ll get the bigger size because I’m going to Minnesota and I might have to put on thermals underneath so I would need the room and I mean – I just need to be comfortable and the jeans were on sale for 19.99 and they probably would be falling off in a month so- just get them and be comfortable and wear them for a month and be done with it – I mean – my God, I’ve spent more on an entrée in my day – so what was 19.99?

I have considered ripping the tags out.

I guess it will make for a better “fat liturgy” in the end –

“Yes, Richard, my top size was a . . . (pause for a sob) 26!. I mean – the plus size section at department stores tops out at 24. I felt like an outcast, Mr. Simmons. AND I was still 20 pounds lighter than I was when I sported the pistachio nightmare!!”

Of course – suddenly a new excuse has occurred – I could be pregnant.

I know I haven’t mentioned it – but Chad and I now officially “trying.” Well, at least, I did my whole song and dance of – Shall I buy the pill this month? And he – seeming a bit too sentimental for some odd reason said –No, not this month.

And that was that.

I would imagine that a need for maternity clothes would come over me quite quickly. Hell, I could wear them now. So perhaps I am 2 weeks in –which on a normal woman would be four months. Perhaps that’s why I can wear an 18 top, but still need a 26 pant.

I seriously doubt it.

In other news – Christmas was wonderful. We had our first “white” Christmas ever. Chad and I were in the kitchen on Christmas morning, fresh from opening our gifts- the highlight of mine was a Skaagen watch with a PINK mother of pearl face and diamonds – fabulous!!!! I opened the door to let Mr. B out and snow was falling! We were both freaking out! It was great.

Anyway – I won’t go into too much more detail about all of it. We leave for Minnesota tomorrow. I’m not going to even hope that I won’t need an extension on the plane. I’m just going to deal with it.

9:18 a.m. ::
prev :: next

Our First Baby is Due on November 23!!!
Lilypie Baby PicLilypie Baby Ticker